i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
