Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
