i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
