Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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