Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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