All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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