I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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