dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
