I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
