She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
