just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
