you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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