I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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