Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
