someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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