just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
