his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
