We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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