if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
