its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize