"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
