sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
