Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
