In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
