Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
