The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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