i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He shit in the fireplace
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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