oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
