Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
