If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
