I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
