Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
