Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
