he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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