i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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