Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
