I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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