I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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