Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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