Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
