Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
