dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
