Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
