True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
