The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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