i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
