I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
