so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
