This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the condom got lost in my hair
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
