so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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