She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
