His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
