sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
