how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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