grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
