well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We got so high we made milksteak
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
