also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
