12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
