Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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