i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
