There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
