WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
