I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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