I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
