he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize