this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what is it with giant penises always finding me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
