craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my poor anus
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
