Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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