a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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