I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
