The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
