No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize