i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
