"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
