Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
