I hope mine doesn't look like that
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize