okay pat passed out under dana's car
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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