I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
